Worth The Wait

Just keep the faith and learn to wait,
You've come so far don't be afraid
For someday you'll see, this journey's fate
It's worth everything- you wouldn't trade  

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It's funny how spontaneous I can get during late nights. This poem was something that I made just because I wanna keep reminding myself that no matter how hard life may be at the moment, how bumpy the road is, and how high the climb is, it will always be worth every sacrifice and struggle at the end. Just keep the faith and you'll get there- just believe. 

For My Love Is Sheerest and True

Words, there are no words to speak  with this tongue 
Or songs not enough to sing with this voice,
That epitomize this feeling that clung
You, deep inside I love my heart rejoice

Never I think no more of the picture I see;
When your glistening eyes seek mine
That flannel- shirted smile is a torture
For my heart out pours with love so fine

Even when our memories fade in vain
As Time jostles away our Forever,
Just close your eyes and there you'll hear no stain
That is my heart for you, please remember

For my love I know is sheerest and true
And impediments halt me not love you

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This sonnet was made for our Literature Class during my sophomore year in college and was written in a Shakespearean rhyme scheme. I can say that making this sonnet was really something to be proud of. I truly miss the times when everything was simpler and holding a pen and a paper to write brings me so much joy. I remember making this sonnet because I was thinking of that "special someone". Oh, how time flies.

Mom's Golden Year

December 11, 2015- This day marks the 50th year of my Mom's existence in this beautiful world. Mom, I know I am not the perfect daughter. We fight a lot and argue even on littlest things but I want you to know how much you mean to me. Being a mom of three, and a having a husband far away from you (Dad's working abroad- in Kuwait), I know is not an easy task at all. You wake up early just  so you could cook food for us, go to school (She's a teacher), buy groceries, do chores are just some of your daily routine. All of these things you do just for you to give us convenience. I know you've sacrificed A LOT. I mean, I cannot even describe how hardworking and determined you and of course, Daddy are in everything just to give us a comfortable life. 

Thank You Mommy for EVERYTHING. Without you, we wouldn't be able to see the beauty of life. You are our light and as long as you are there, we will always be able to see our paths. I am beyond grateful to Him that He gave us you to be our Mom. I  love you more than words can say. You were always there for me during my first steps, my highs and lows, even during my first major heartbreak. I will always remember those moments with you Mom because those are special moments. You don't know how much your inspiring words uplift and calm me. I hope and pray that you will always be strong and be happy despite of life's storms. After all, we are family and no matter what, we will always have each other's backs. I may not be the perfect daughter but I am always trying to be the best daughter that I can  be. Someday, I am gonna make you and Daddy proud. That's a promise. 

Mom and Me

Left to Right: Lyka (Younger Sis), Mom, Kristian (Younger Bro), and Me

with Tatay Bibong (Grandpa- Love you so much, Tay!)

Wacky

with Oray (Nanny for 15 years and our second mom- Love you, Ray!)

*insert Daddy in the picture*. Can't wait for you to come home Dad, you missed another party but we're always complete because you are always in our hearts. Distance is just nothing when someone means so much. To many more candles to blow, cakes to eat, and years to celebrate your birthday, Mom! Cheers! 

The Pessimistic Optimist Bella

You may ask, why the "Pessimistic Optimist Bella"? So first of all, I got this line from Maine Mendoza's blog. Yes, I am her fan. It all started when I saw her Dubsmash videos circling around the social media. I find her really funny and I just love how she's very comfortable to express herself in front of the camera. I stalked her Facebook  and I was just stunned. She is so pretty. I'm just like "Can I be like her?". Anyways, I became more ecstatic seeing her at Eat Bulaga's Kalyeserye as Yaya Dub. I was really amazed with how she delivers herself in front of the camera with every scene plus her reactions whenever she sees Alden Richards (the other half of the phenomenal loveteam- AlDub) keeps me cracked up. It's just really hilarious. They're like match-made in heaven. Alden is so effin handsome and hot and every time he smiles, I just melt. I think that's why people love them so much. It's because of their undeniable chemistry on-and-off cams. So much for that. 

Okay, so when I saw Maine's blog with her header- "The Pessimistic Optimist Bella", I was just like, "Oh, that's so me." I mean, I can really say that I am more of like a pessimist than an optimist kind of person. I tend to think negatively about things. I overthink too much about the future and I make judgments like "I think I cannot do this", "That's so hard for me to do", things like those. I often need someone who will tell me things like, "You can do it", "Don't worry too much", "Everything will be okay". It really sucks having a mind set like mine. There are times when I feel so down and I don't even know what to do. I wanna change so  badly. I wanna see the positive side of everything. As much as possible, I don't wanna complicate things. 

Though often times I tend to think like that, but at the end of the day after the clouds of confusion have disappeared, I can still say that there's more to life than being pessimistic. At the end of the day I realize that good things happen to me and that life is not so bad after all. There are so many things that I should be grateful and thankful for and I should be more focused with that. Life is full of beautiful things, you just have to live it and see it. 

The Ezra

Amidst of all the pressure I am getting from my university life right now (Not to mention, we're actually making our presentation for our thesis proposal defense this Monday) still, here I am starting to write my first blog entry. I started blogging when I was still in my senior year in high school (I was using Tumblr that time) but eventually I stopped because I got busy and lazy. I tried blogging again during my first year in college but I stopped because again, I can't seem to find time writing blogs. And right now, I just wanna start blogging again. I feel like, this is what I wanna do. I want to express my thoughts about anything without giving a damn care of what other people may think about it. I wanna free myself, and I think through blogging, I can do that. Oftentimes, I have so many things bottled up inside me and I feel like I will burst if I don't let it out. So from now on, I will try my best to blog about anything when I find time. I promise. *crosses fingers*

' Kay so let me first tell you a lil bit about my dear self. My name's Ezra and yes, I am a hundred percent girl. People often tell me that my name's a boy name so I'm just like- "What's the big deal ? It's my name anyway and you can't do anything about it. I love it and I think it's really unique". I am 20 years old as of the moment and I am currently in my last year studying Bachelor of Science in Electronics and Communications Engineering. Yes, En-juh-nee-ring, dearie. I am gonna finish my degree this June 2016. HOPEFULLY. *prays really really really hard* I bet you'll be like "She's so intelligent because she took up engineering", "She probably just aces Math and Physics, and other numerical subjects". But hey, I don't think so. Seriously, I don't think I am like that. I don't find myself intelligent in Math and Physics and all other numerical subjects. Yes, engineering is HARD and I salute myself for having to take the challenge and for how far I've become but I don't think I'm good enough. I know I'm nearing the finish line but until now questions like "Is this really for me?", "Why am I even here?", "Am I doing it right?", "Where am I going after this?"- still constantly cross my mind a lot.

I don't know why but I can say I am kinda pessimistic about things. I fear many things and I overthink. This is the attitude that I  wanna work on because I can say this is my weakness. I want to change so badly. I wanna see the positive side of everything. And I know no one can help me with that but myself. There's a quote I learned from my high school English teacher that I remember whenever I want motivation. And that is, "If you think you can, you can. But if you think you can't, you're right." And yes I know it's just all in the mind. It's just a matter of how we see things. Sometimes I feel like, I am so weak that I can't even make choices for myself.  That's why until now I am constantly figuring out how to become a better version of myself. "The Ezra" that is stronger, wiser, and braver. I know everything happens for a reason. We struggle, we break down, and we have so many unanswered questions and confusions. But you see, that's just how life works. That's the beauty of it. In the end all of these things were meant for us to experience. There are lessons that we are meant to learn and I think we should be thankful for that. As for me, I am still a girl trying to figure out my place in this world. And I cannot wait for that day to come when I can truly say, "This is where I am meant to be." Peace Out!